Just another rant!

Long weekend, yup supposedly, since yesterday is US Labor Day, unfortunately situation has really a funny way of interfering with me. Long weekend but not rested. Yup got kids to take care of and chores to be done plus the nanny has taken her day off. I was suppose to go out last Saturday unfortunately due to the situation, that has been put off too. Ganda di ba. Just imagine this... I do work at night from 10pm to 7 am and during the days I look after the kids. The nanny has to accompany either Tyke or Bobet to school. Bottom line? I sleep around 5 pm and wake up at 9 pm... Yes what a great daily routine. Good thing nga di pa bumibigay ang katawan ko. Nakakapagod na kasi. Imagine sa payat kong to ah, I barely sleep at 4 hours a day. DI lang yun, lots to look after pa, bills to pay, budget na kailangang pagkasiyahin ay super nakakainis na at minsan, nakaksawa na rin ung buhay na ganito. Ok lang sana kung yun lang, fuck shet pati personal kong buhay di rin ok. Oh yeah so much for the happily ever after romance that I have dreamt about when I was a kid. I suck. Naiinis ako sa sarili ko. I must do something about this or else I will always be grumpy Ane. Jaean and I have separated months ago, unfortunately up until this time magkasama pa din kami thus both of us can't move on. I know the kids should highly be considered, but then again dapat ba kids lang? Panu naman ung personal happiness naming dalawa? We both know we can no longer work it out. I am just thinking, cge at this point of time we are thinking about the kids welfare, but how about when the time comes that they will set forth with their own lives? What will happen sa akin? There are lots of cases of broken families and I know that most kids have turned out na di okay, still there are some who have grown out gracefully out of that worst situation. No matter how old or young we are, it is no doubt that separation can bring out great level of anxieties and disappointment, still they can cope. I guess one way to settle this is to settle it amicably. Months ago kung matigas ulo ko wanting them for myself alone, now after careful consideration, I realized something else may work out well. As in divide everything in 50's. Ok since pareho naman kaming parents, the kids would want to have us both for themselves. So why not give them what they want? Say buong one week sa akin and next week naman saDaddy nila, then the next sa akin ulit. Fair di ba? Sa haws ko ng buong week, then sa haws naman nia the next week. Special occasion for the kids we can both be present. Fifty fifty din sa lahat ng expenses ng kids para fair and square. At least this way equally divided and shared. This way din we can both have time para sa mga sarili naming happiness as well as finding the person whom we can spend the rest of our lives with. I'm growing old. I could not deny that fact. The kids are also growing and so are the times. It is changing fast. Don't get me wrong. I do love my kids so much, but at this time I am also thinking about what will happen to me when they are no longer around. At the setting sun of my life I just want to enjoy my life, talking, joking or perhaps watching the sun set along with my better half. Life is about love after all. In spite of the failure that I have gone through, I've never felt cynical about love. In fact it even made me realize that if I have tried to work things out to a love that was not meant for me, how much happiness would I feel when the right one comes along? Haayy grabe Im on my late 20's and yet stuck up pa din ako sa dilemna na to. Supposedly by this time I am working on maintaining and enjoying a happy family. Well katangahan ko din to. Anyway, find a way to really find the best solution I must or in hell will I find myself in rot. Wag naman sana.