Pain within

Have you ever had that feeling when you see your world crumbling right before you eyes? I am just really tired and I just want to take a rest. Emotionally, I am so battered. Lots of things have already been shattered. Somehow it was my fault too. Maybe its too late to pick things up. Maybe at this point letting go is really the best thing to do.

Somehow I am also dead tired and at this point of time, yup maybe I can no longer understand, I also want to be understood.

Just feel really sad that it didn't work. I know that someday though everything will be alright. In God's time everything fall back to where they should be.

That's what Moms are for!

Sigh... haayy. I was out of the office for two weeks, was out sick and was ask for a rest unfortunately I got nothing of it. Wheew... with 3 kids in the house, a year old, an almost 3 year old baby boy whose adrenaline seems to come out from all over his body and from a 4 1/2 year old daughter who seems to be on her hyper curious mode and with just one nanny around, I wonder how someone could ever get a rest. I have just been from the office, no I did not report for work... I submitted my SSS documents, the sickness notification form and all the other forms and the major reason why I went there is because I needed to get my pay. Yup I borrowed money from my colleague and he has my ATM as a collateral. Due to all the loans I am paying and those damn deductions, I just got a total amount of P5,800 as a net. My gross would have been 15,600 but due to taxes, government mandatory deductions, the office loan that I am paying for 2500 per cut off and the one I borrowed from my friend with 10% interest, it dwindled to 5800.00. Geez I have to get another load of writing from Owen to add up to my income. With all the bills in the house, the needs of the kids my combined salary with Jae barely meet the end. There are lots of things I want to buy, unfortunately, the kids have to come first. Anais and Bobet haven't got their school things first. I haven't even bought a single piece of their things yet. Bobet has not even been enrolled yet. Haay. All these bills and all the things that we need to pay for... I no longer know what to do. Well I guess I have to work my ass off, get some more writing load to add up. Well that's what moms are for. I have limited choices, either I work for my kids even if it would mean pushing myself to the limit. So much for whines now, off to get new work load. Good luck for my rest... maybe some other day, I can have that rest, but for now, my kids come first.