Baring My All - The Prologue!

If I believed in miracles....

I would like to believe... sana nga it's real. They say that once something bads happen to you there is an opposite but equal reaction... siguro nga. I hope it's true. If you have been frequenting my site you would know that for the past few days I've been in hazy mood. Yesterday, I was really in a bad mood and yup m really mad... hehehe Jaean sorry you know me naman, lately I no longer hide what I feel, if I am mad, I would show it, and yup I am still annoyed! No use hiding it, I wont bother, like what I've told you, now I'm ready to take a different path. I'm baring it all! The world will know, and I don't care what other people may say. If others would give a damn then just let them be... we all have our own lives and any one can live it as he pleases, after all he will be the one to face the results of his choices.

Sabi nga ni Ella (hello sis, miss you and thank you so much for the support) she is one of my closest and childhood friends, BRING IT ON and BARE IT ALL! KEEP NO SECRETS, LIVE NO LIES OR PRETENTIONS!.. Yup, so people who would be visiting my site would probably anything and everything I am feeling or have felt or what I have gone through. I'm gonna be writing with anything and everything under the sun. From my personal life to my political views... practically just everything!

Haaay... and maybe I am really lucky today! Thank you so much... sana for the rest of the week na!

Asin mabalos po sa tao na naka pagpaulok sakuya asin nag parealize na there is so much more to look forward too asin dai na dapat tawanan ke pansin an sarong bagay na haluyon ng daing serbi!

Fate has indeed its twisted ways of making me smile and thank you so much, for making me realize it! I can never be grateful enough. Thank you...

Life on a Greater Scheme of Things!

PILGRIM's THEME

(Bukas Palad Ministry)

Tired of weaving dreams too loose for me to wear

Tired of watching clouds repeat their dance on air

Tired of getting tired of doing what's required

Is life a mere routine in the greater scheme of things

Through with taking roads someone else designed

Through with chasing stars that soon forget to shine

Through with going through one more day - what's new

Does my life still mean a thing in the greater scheme of things

REFRAIN 1:

I think I'll follow the voice that calls within

Dance to the silent song it sings

I hope to find my place

So my life can fall in place

I know in time I'll find my place

In the greater scheme of things

Each must go his way, but how can I decide

Which path I should take, who will be my guide

I need some kind of star to lead me somewhere far

To find a higher dream in the greater scheme of things

The road before me bends, I don't know what I'll find

Will I meet a friend or ghosts I left behind

Should I even be surprised that You're with me in disguise

For it's Your hand I have seen in the greater scheme of things (REFRAIN 1)

BRIDGE:

For Yours is the voice in my deepest dreams

You are the heart, the very heart

Of the greater scheme of things (REFRAIN 1)

REFRAIN 2:

Why don't we follow the voice that calls within

Dance to the silent song it sings

One day we'll find our place

For all things fall in place

For all things have a place

In the greater scheme of things

This is one of my favorite songs. It's actually been a while of me wondering as to what life has got in store for me. For quite some, I've been astrayed... couldn't find my way back home... Been in status quo for quite sometime now. Is there really a place for me? Will I ever find it? I know that my past posts have been filled with rants, whines, wishful thoughts and million dollar unanswered questions. I know I may sound like I don't appreciate any thing anymore. Maybe I have really lost my sense of appreciation on things, on people or on everything that surrounds me. I feel so lost, the right phrase is I'm not even sure of what I want. It's like I'm living each day as to "come what may"... haay... it's so not me! So different to who I used to be and what I used to have. I don't know where this post is heading, and before it gets worst, I might as well put a halt into this! Sadly though, I still don't know where I am headed! someone please tell me where I should go!

Saturday or Termination? So Terminated let it be!

At last its Friday, I just hope that there will be no mandated OT's tomorrow or God knows what the hell I can do... I might even welcome the thoughts of termination because I only want to take a rest... rest my physical body as I know that my mind wont just stop thinking... haayyy... this is one of the times that I'm wishing I'm a moron, that I wouldn't have the sudden flow of thoughts matched with rationalization and cross analysis of psychological realms... Grrr. So no saturday shift pleeeeeaaaaaasssssssssssseeeee!!!!

Yup, I badly want to take a break, here I am again... I apologize for those people who are dropping by at this site, all you can read are my wishful sighs and sentiments... Yup, so maybe you might as well hop to another site...

I'm just too tired... I don't know if any one has had that feeling... the feeling of extreme anxiety that you just want to sit still and block everything, see no one, hear nothing, just get numb... no not just numb... I dont know maybe fade in oblivion...

If I could just go home in Bicol... yup, trudge that long walk in the fidder road as I await the sun to set or just stare to the beauty of Mayon Volcano... sad cause when I was still in Libon, I failed to appreciate these things... maybe because I was so used to having them... now I miss them badly! Well just as what Owen has said "Pestiyon Ini"... Pestiyon talaga, ay kawasa kaya, kauragan ko man ini, amu iton.... hehehehe

Well two more hours to go and and I'm off and really, no one can force me to go through a Saturday shift. If I have to commune with the ghosts in the universe I will do that so as not to go through a Saturday shift... yup even if it means tolerating a site of a mascot or being with a mascot.... I would do that, but definitely not a Saturaday shift. I already made plans for that... and my boss right now is asking me and I quote him "So you are not flexible?"... I am, but not this time, I've been so flexible that I'm afraid I am not who I used to be... so damn, terminate me if you can, just hand down the termination papers and I'm gonna sign it. Bitchy? Yes I am, I am a brat and I can be one of the most hard headed lass youll come across with when I'm in my temperamental mood... and one thing with me is I don't give a damn!

Grr... yup m just not in the mood... I just want to sleep and eat and play with Brat and Tyke. And yes... I just want to sleep for a looooooooooooooooooooonnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnggggggggggg time.

Happy Birth day Owen!

I've been thinking for quite sometime now as to how I would greet my best bud Owen... you see several days from now will be his birthday, and we have not seen each other for a while, ever since he went back home in Bicol to pursue his political destiny. Miss you Wen... well since I know that he'll be dropping by at my site I resorted to make this post for him... sorry wen pobre lang kaya ako, wara akong pang buy ng gift for you so I ended up writing this letter for you, sana lang wala pang ibang nakakaisip nito...

Owen has been a very good friend of mine for more than 20 years now... yup you are reading it right, that's more than TWO DECADES of friendship, ever since we we're kids. He is the type of friend every one would wish to have... He is my most treasured confidante, my critic, my intellectual sparring partner, yup we can discuss just anything and everything under the sun. We love to argue about politics, remember the progressive versus pragmatic choice, the socialism versus democratic form of governance.... the VFA... the possibility of privatization of our beloved Alma Mater UP Wen? Those times we argued while at mega mall's cinema lobby while we were waiting for next screening time... those corny lines of yours about "saklot" and "tiktik"? hehehehe... Those window shopping at the supermarket meat and fish section while we scour for the next dish that you'll make. ( Yup he is incredible cook... super sarap magluto sa kanya ko natutunan ang pagluluto ng pata tim) Also those times na we would just sit sa sunken garden for sentiments.... remember UP fair? I just miss those times... hehehe Si Owen din ang utangan ng walang bayaran, ang taong takbuhan ko whenever I am on the bottom most part of my life. Haay halos lahat yata ng secrets ko alam mo eh hehehehe. He would be the one to pull me back to my senses whenever my twisted mind would bring me to undeliverable paths... a shoulder to cry on, a sponge who absorbs my sentiments and a doting Ninong of my daughter.

Owen, hehehe alam niyo ba na madali tong pikon pero madali ding mawala, he's one of the smartest people I've ever come across with, a hopeless believer of meritocracy (haay wen never na mangyayari yan dito sa Pinas... hopeless na din ang bansa mo) hehehehe, at super ang dedication when it comes to his family... how's Yen yen? basta Wen sana you'd get back here in Manila na so we can catch up with the old times...

Well, I guess the post has gone way to long, when all I really wanted to say is HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my best bud and may all your wishes and dreams come true. I wish you all the bests my friend. Thank you for everything, I could never ask for more and I am so blessed to have a friend like you... I'll always be here what ever happens, despite the time distance.... you can count on that.

Hehehe pahabol lang po, I wish na you will find na the girl of your dreams and the girl who's gonna be worthy of your love... Keep the faith!

Happy Birthday Wen!

Thoughts for a Friend

Hello, it's really been awhile since we've last seen each other, and isn't it funny that I just dreamt about you early lunch. Yup hehehe since I am on a night shift my sleeping hour has been on day time. I don't really know why I dreamt about you.... I mean I am not thinking of you, but maybe on my sub concious mind I am (Freud's theory on sub concious)... Anyway the dream was cut short as I was awaken by our nanny.

Well since out of nowhere you've trespassed on my sacred chamber (hehehe I value my sleep so much, my escape to the monstrous world where I am in) let's try to find out how you are doing by now? What have you been doing lately? I hope youre well and I wish you all the happiness that you could ever have, may the sun shine upon you and may the birds chirp their sweetest songs for you. I hope that life has not treated you that way it has treated me.

Honestly I don't know what else to say... I'm lost for words... hehehe what else is there to say? Anyway, as the words start to fade away from my thoughts, I just hope that your wishes will come true and may the whole universe conspires to grant the the deepest desires of your heart...

All the bests my long lost friend and till we meet again....

That's Life

Still in a gloomy mood. No changes, worst is, it's getting worse... yup. I feel like I just want to fade in oblivion, feel like running away, run as far as I could, perhaps to the farthest ends of earth. I just want to go home, shut myself inside the room and close my eyers, hear no sound, feel nothing, obliviate if I could. I don't know really... there is just this feeling of uneasiness with in me, cloud of doubt. It really feels awful, a certain paranoia perhaps. I just don't know. Will I ever trust again? Will I be capable of believing without any tint of doubt at the back of my mind? There are lots of things throbbing my mind. I used to be so trusting, believing that no one is going to hurt me, but I was dead wrong. Well like what I used to say, whoever said that life is fair? In a world where survival of the fittest thrives, fairness hardly ever exist. Yup, it's out of my own experience. Indeed the best teacher that I have. I was so trusting back then, always believing that there is always goodness in someone.... until I've learned my lesson the hardest way! Betrayal by people you trusted the most and being mauled over physically by a person I barely know, that led to a miscarriage, yup, no exaggeration if I had the scanner, I would have posted the entire ultra sonographic report about this, yup this happen more than a year ago, Oct 21, 2006 around 11 pm in front of Mini stop at Robinson's galleria! Yup just across EDSA shrine, isn't it ironic? Well that's life! Anyway as of the moment, I have not gotten the luxury of time to tete-a-tale the entire thing that took place that night, I'm at work, maybe if I'll have the time, one day I will write everything that has happened... definitely not now. Yup here I am at the office, doing thesame boring job which is never satisfying nor anything I fancy nor dreamt about. Stupid isn't it? That here I am, stuck with this job I NEVER even LIKE.... why? For financial reasons. Even if I would want to transfer to the career that my heart really desires I just can't... even if the OPPORTUNITY is once again knocking on my door, I just CAN"T take it due to financial constraints! Bullocks? You can say that.... well again, that's life! Sometimes you take the final examination long before you even take the lessons. Life! Haaayyyy!!!