Thursday, October 9, 2008

UP kong mahal....

Karamihan ng mga tao eh hindi pamilyar sa eskuwelahan na ito. Mas madalas pag narining mo ang UP dalawang campuses lang ang papasok sa isipan mo. UP Diliman at UP Los Banos. Mawalang galang lang po, madaming campuses ang bumubuo sa UP System. May UP Baguio, dating UP Pampanga na di ko na alam ang pangalan ngayon, nawala na sa pamunuan ng UP system, UP Miag- ao na matatagpuan sa Iloilo at ang pinakamalaking UP... tama po di po Diliman ang may pinakamalaking land area, pangatlo lamang po sila. Me UP Tacloban din at ang pinakamamahal kong Alma Mater ang UP Manila.... opo dalawa po ang UP campuses sa NCR, ang UP Diliman at ang original na UP, sa Manila... Para sa kaalaman ng lahat ang orig na UP ay itinayo sa Ermita Manila, pero ng dahil sa Ikalawang Digmaang Pandaigdig karamihan ng mga kolehiyo sa Manila ay inilipat sa Diliman, maliban sa Kolehiyo ng Medisina. Sa paglipas ng panahon, maliban sa nasabing kolehiyo, muling umusbong ang iba't ibang kolehiyo, College of Allied and Medical Professions, College of Dentistry, College of Pharmacy at ang pinakamamahal kong kolehiyo na naging tahanan ko nung ako ay nasa UP pa ang College of Arts and Sciences... ang tanging kolehiyo na napabilang sa samahan ng kursong me kinalaman ng medisina... hehehe o mas malamang naligaw?...

Ganun pa man, pinakamamahal ko ang kolehiyong eto, oo nga malamang kami ang me pinaka maliit na campus sa buong UP system, pero maraming bagay ang itinuro sa akin dito. Mga pagkakamali at kasiyahaan na tumulong na humubog sa pagkatao ko, at mga prinsipyo na magpasahanggang ngayon ay gumagabay sa akin... Kalimitan, marami ang nagsasabi na masyado daw masyado daw akong radikal, lalo na sa trabaho ko ngayon... Di po ako radikal, natuto lang akong ipaglaban kung ano ang dapat at kapag nasa katwiran ka, isang malaking pagkakamali ang pananahimik. Nakakatawang isipin na sa panahon ngayon may mga tao pa ding nagtatas ang kilay pagka babae ka at nagsalita ng di umaayon sa ginagawa ng karamihan.Di ako feminista, lilinawin ko lang, pero malaking pasasalamat ko na nag aral ako sa pamantasang ito na lubos na humubog sa akin, na panindigan ang prinsipyo, ano't anuman ang kahinatnan nito. Maliban sa pagiging isang magaling na mag aaral, itinuro din sa akin nito kung papaano mamuhay pagkalabas sa pamantasang ito. Hindi po nerd ang mga nag aaral dito, katulad din ng ibang estudyante na libro, kaibigan at kalokohan, sa tingin ko nga mas bukas pa kami sa kalokohan eh... kung ang ibang pamantasan eh mahigpit na tinututulang ang Fraternity at Sorority, sa amin, malaya kang makakapamili ng sasalihan mong samahan.Noong una rin di ko ito gaanong maintindihan, bakit nga ba ganun? Sa paglipas ng panahon sa peyups natutunan ko na hindi lang neto ituturo ang kabutihan. Nakahapag din sa harapan mo ang kasamaan.... hindi ka nila itutulak papunta dito noh, di ganun ang ibig kong sabihin... bibigyan ka ng babala na pag ginawa mo ang bagay na ito, ito ang kalalabasan niyan. Binibigyan ka ng kalayaang mamili at panagutan kung anuman ang kalalabasan ng desisyon mo. Ginagawa kang isang responsableng tao na paglabas mo ng pintuan ng unibersidad ay matuto kang manindigan at di isang hamak na sunod sunuran lang. Di lamang ito itinuturo sa UP Manila kundi sa buong sistema ng UP, sa lahat ng campuses na meron kami... Di ko sinasabi na walang masama na taga peyups, ang totoo peyups ang nagluluwal ng pinaka mabubuti at masasamang alumni, pinakamatatalino at pinakatuso... gayun pa man hindi ko ito ikinakahiya, isa lang ang ibig sabihin nito, ibinigay sa iyo ng UP ang lahat ng pangangailangan mo para mabuhay ka bilang isang tao. Kung magiging mabuti ka o masama ikaw na ang me gawa noon at hindi ang UP. Siguro, kakaiba nga ang UP at ang ipinagkaiba namin eh hindi kami sumusunod sa agos ng pangyayari, bagkos pinapanindigan namin kung ano ang pinaniniwalaan naming dapat at bukas sa kritisismo mapa maganda man o pangit. Di ka gagawing robot na de remote control bagkus ginagawa kang isang nilalang na marunong mag isip at tumayo sa sarili mong mga paa.

At amfot@@@ ang hirap pala mag sulat ng blog na tagalog lahat... weeeh!

Unfinished....

Distorted thoughts
Images of the past
Blurring my visions
Pain strickles from within
Giving a momentary panacea
On my apathetic soul
Aghast
Flabbergasted
Exhausted
Mixed emotions
I no longer know
how i feel
Nor do I know
what to write next....

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Choices?

Funny, how coincidences happen... I've been actually feeling cross as some things have actually gone out of their places, then out of the blue while blog hopping I was able to come across an entry about choices....

True enough lots of choices have been laid down before us... Choices made us of who we are now. Lots of times I have been confronted with choices and some of them have brought me both good and not so good outcomes. There were also times when I regretted those choices I have made, when i wished for time be turned back...

My Dad has always told me, that I have to be extra careful when I make choices, because it is the out come that I have to deal with. Nature's law of motion of course, for every action, there is a reaction.

At the moment, I was forced to make a choice of momentary status quo, sad to say because there are people who depend on me whom I can't let down, because they are yet incapable of taking care of themselves and I brought them here. I'm keeping my spirits intact inspite and despite of the tumultuos situation here in the office.

I know at this point of time I'm making the right choice, it is not easy, in fact I have to drag every vein in my body just to be in an accepted state get up! Haayy I know soon this will be over and I that's the silver lining I'm holding on to.

Indeed it's all about choices...

Teka nga muna sino ba si CHOICES? Ah ewan!

Unending...

It should have been the least if not, NOT at all my problem. It's tiring too, doing blogs and your whining about thesame old thing. Haaay, but here I am again confronted with this matter..... ranting about same old shit! Same issues from work... loads that should not be our concern were passed on to us, same practices that up to now remain uncorrected.... haaay I guess the complaints would till this space will be totally filled up, worst the space may not even suffice and yet the ranting wont still end... And though I know that this problem is unending I might as well end up my log for this rant so I may be able to attend to other matters worth writing about!

Thursday, October 2, 2008

Jammed thoughts...

I can't help but smile despite the approaching storm that I have to face by the end of the day... actually it is the start of the day since it would be around 5:30 am butsince that would be the end of my shift... it commences the day for me as well... hehehe

Thank's God, and to all the forces of the universe who convenes with the truth my sincerest gratitude.

Haay ... the flow of my thoughts suddenly stops.... hehehe pause for the mean time.

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Incomplete...

To where the roads are leading
Still that is not known to me
To where I am going
That I am not sure of
To everything that I have gone through
I don't know what I haven't been into yet

The sun shines brightly
And it was so bright,it blinds me
And it was so hot, I got burnt
Astrayed as before, now I'm even more lost
Everything is thesame, yet so unfamiliar

Across the horizons
I've heard a quaint cry
Putting me in some trance
But as to what it was saying
I haven't had a clue...

Back to Grail Hunting madness!

Confusing, it looks like the answers are always sugar coated with another question... As if it's a clue to another clue to another clue...

Funny cause it has been a while since I ve meddled with the holy grail and the monumental and mind twirling history of the masonry. Now I'm back on my shoes, trailing or rather here I am again hoping to finally stumble something that would be of value.... Weeeeh... This is amongst the times when I wish that I'd be a millionaire.... Grrr...

To anyone who has something concrete or anything valuable related to grail hunting and the masonry, I appeal to you guys and gals that may you be kindhearted enough to send me some information.... I would really appreciate it and you may send it at fierylarkspur@gmail.com. I would really appreciate all the information and help you can give me.

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

When everything seems to fall apart

Half of the shift has just been consumed and so is my energy. I'm really sick at the moment, my head is terribly aching, all my joints and spines feel like breaking off.... I've got a runny nose, looks like all the symptoms of flu is on the go.

I'm really a bit exhausted, and it appears like all aspects of my life are falling apart. career wise, uhhgg, wait career am I talking about? I mean the job I've got right now is geee indescribable... guess I'm lost for words now... oh maybe the nearest thing I could say is A FREAKING NIGHTMARE!!! Grrr... I really can't wait to get out of the ship.... patience my dear... less than a month to go and puuuuf.... I can fade away from here. So much for my rants about this job... much space has been taken for several non sense blogs I've done!!!

My personal life is also falling apart, looks like nothing is actually in place. At this moment I am being trapped in a dilemna of figuring out what to do. I really don't want to pursue this, (at this point of time I am not yet that ready to go through this in detail... as to what this is) I just wanna jot down my thoughts... I really don't want to go through this again, it's out of my plans and I just don't want it! I don't want to go through those rigorous and agonizing months again add the the fact the burden on our finances which is already on a not so great status!!

Almost three more hours to go add the thirty minute unpaid mandatory over time... Talk about exploitation... Haaay couldn't really wait to get off the ship!

Monday, September 8, 2008

Boredom!!!

Sleepy
Bored
Irate
Moody
Tired
Cold
Hungry
Worried

That's how I feel at the moment so I suggest that you don't mess up with me at this time or else....your world will turn upside down!

Moving on!!!

What a manic Monday.... Grrr gracious goodness just got here at work. I'm dead wet and I'm cold and really hungry and I have a real bad tummy ache! Huhuhuhu, have we got typhoon on the way?

Gee, had it not been for the time sheet I would rather sign a DPF. Grrr, well looks like all the answers to my questions have been laid down to me in a platter! Need to ask more Ane? I guess not!
Yup so here we go talk about, being ready about the turns that we have to make. At last I am no longer at the crossroads. For the first time I've never felt so sure until now. And it really feels good, yup most specially if nothing will gonna hold you back! Moving on and on.... hehehe just feel relieved!

So here we go.... on to the next journey!

Friday, September 5, 2008

Hayy... kakaiba daw ako?

Still wondering
Worrying
Thinking
Dazed
Bothered
Irate
Pissed
Feels like exploding
Dead bored


....and here is where I end up.I just hope I can figure a way how to post this here in my blog site. This personality test has been sent by Ella, my freako friend. hehehe love you Elai. Akalain mo, my Personality Type is VERY RARE! Nyak Nyak Ano kaya yun? Am I abnormal or an alien? Weeeh.. Just to share, here's what it says!

Your Personality is Very Rare (ESTP)


Your personality type is dominant, driven, poised, and self-aware.Only about 5% of all people have your personality, including 3% of all women and 6% of all menYou are Extroverted, Sensing, Thinking, and Perceiving.

http://www.blogthings.com/howrareisyourpersonalityquiz/


Wednesday, September 3, 2008

Just some thoughts!!

Writing has always been my passion, though I guess most of the times I take it for granted. The funny thing is whenever I feel that the world is turning against me, I find myself taking shields in the comfort of writing.

I guess, there's really nothing in particular I would wanna write today, just some scattered thoughts lingering in my not so distorted brain... hehehe
I guess this is what they call the early adulthood crisis, I mean the one that I am feeling right this moment. Haaay...guess there are just lots of things I wanna do, yet I just can't, not because I don't wanna do them rather situations just wont allow me to do it? I'm vague, am I not? Forgive me but as of the moment I can't get into specifics, not in the mood to elaborate.... haaay (take a deep breath, sigh)

Same issues I've been dealing with and I still haven't got them sorted out! Grrrrr!

Well, I just hope something good will come up at the end of the day!

Tuesday, September 2, 2008

MORONS OFF LIMITS!!!

Sabi ninda the best way tanganing de maaraman niyan taong kinasusugtan mo yan pigasurat mo is to use vernacular. And I couldn't agree more. Kung ika taga samon masasabutan mo yan pigasabi ko more so dapat taga sentrong Libon ika bokon sana taga Bicol cause for your information la kadakol tabi niyan dialect sa sa mon bumalyo sana ika nin tulay likntukuran iba iba na iyan ibig sabyon. And I'm blessed na maski puro paona well versed ako sa bikolnon, except masbate kagku na saya halong bisaya... bisakol sabi ngani.

Ay going back... hay kapinunan pa sana nung gabi adto na talaga su karibatawan, aboko na gusto ko magloog adi sa trabaho ta feeling ko talaga siguro ngani de talaga ini para sakon... mas lalo gayud ako pigtatawan nin kakusgan sa kalibongan ko... hehehe amo kaya yaan inugakan pa kanginang buwas na mag agi uyan lugod....

wehehe pabayi na sana raw Laga sabi ngani...Amo kaya yaan, naiingatlan ika hehehe. Any way arog talaga yaan yan life sabi ko ngani hay matotolerate ko ngamin ngamin but definitely osad na bagay na diri ko kayang itolerate is KAPATALAN. Geee, I dread it the most! Dimuits, morons,dumbs,imbecile, whatever you would wanna call it. Just please no dumb people within 10 mile radius!

Friday, August 29, 2008

Ako to!

Shift is almost over... I guess I've got to think this very well over the week end.Paano nga ba at ano nga ba dapat?
Haay this is really me!

Ane
Pretty
Praning
Ironic
Twisted
Bitchy
Curios
Wanderer
Apathetic
Stubborn
Outspoken
Adik sa pagkain!lalo na sa cheeze it
Softdrinks ang tubig.
Distracted lagi sa mga panahon na to!

Ah ewan basta at this point magulo utak ko and whatever man malagay ko dito, unedited... Sabagay since when did I edit my work? Pati takbo ng utak ko wala pa ding pinagbago. Kasing gulo pa rin ever!Asar!

Haay! Actually there are lots of things I wanna write but I guess tinatamad na ako magtype.
Hay buti na lang sabado na... makakapag banchetto kaya kami?
Hay talaga naman, kailangan ko ngang mag isip ng husto!Mag isip isip isip isip.......

Thursday, August 28, 2008

I'm back!!!

It has been quite a while... and yup I've missed writing badly. Looked like I was in hiatus, hehehe. I wasn't really, it's just that I didn't have access and time, the past months.Thoughts flooded my mind and I guess my ever lovaeble pen and notebook had sufficed for my need. My ever dependable company.

So what's up? Guess nothing much, still in the pit I was since the last time I've made a blog. I know where the problem lies, maybe I am just a little stupid since I haven't really done yet, the thing that needs to be done. Talk about procastination! Gee!

There are lots of things I wanna write down but I guess at the moment thoughts rush in and my typing skills can't match the flow of my ever twisted mind! Sounds absurd? I guess I am just that, full of absurdity and irony!

Well, let's see what I can come up with in the next days to come, and I hope I can come up with another post soon, really soon!

Monday, March 3, 2008

One Moment of Happiness!!

“At the end of the day faith is a funny thing. It turns up when you don’t really expect it. It’s like one day you realize that the fairy tale may be slightly different than you dreamed. The castle, well, it may not be a castle. And it’s not so important to be happy ever after, just that its happy right now. See once in a while, once in a blue moon, people will surprise you , and once in a while people may even take your breath away.” (-Meridith Blake- Grey's Anatomy)

Isn't it funny, you wake up each waking hour ( see not everyone sleeps at night) and you look forward that your day be filled with happiness, laughter and wish that the entire day become a wonderful one. And then reality kicks in... that you are not really okay, but then there is just this moment, that you cant help but be happy... and for that specific moment you remembered how to be happy once again, how to truly smile, and realize that just for that single moment, the desire of your heart ha been granted. I could not help but smile right now as I make this post, because it has really been a while since I have felt this joy. And for that moment I want to thank you, for showing me how it is to smile once again...

Yeah, for that alone I will be really grateful. Thank you for somehow taking the burdens out of my mind and for sharing and giving me happiness.

Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Baring My All - The Prologue!

If I believed in miracles....

I would like to believe... sana nga it's real. They say that once something bads happen to you there is an opposite but equal reaction... siguro nga. I hope it's true. If you have been frequenting my site you would know that for the past few days I've been in hazy mood. Yesterday, I was really in a bad mood and yup m really mad... hehehe Jaean sorry you know me naman, lately I no longer hide what I feel, if I am mad, I would show it, and yup I am still annoyed! No use hiding it, I wont bother, like what I've told you, now I'm ready to take a different path. I'm baring it all! The world will know, and I don't care what other people may say. If others would give a damn then just let them be... we all have our own lives and any one can live it as he pleases, after all he will be the one to face the results of his choices.

Sabi nga ni Ella (hello sis, miss you and thank you so much for the support) she is one of my closest and childhood friends, BRING IT ON and BARE IT ALL! KEEP NO SECRETS, LIVE NO LIES OR PRETENTIONS!.. Yup, so people who would be visiting my site would probably anything and everything I am feeling or have felt or what I have gone through. I'm gonna be writing with anything and everything under the sun. From my personal life to my political views... practically just everything!

Haaay... and maybe I am really lucky today! Thank you so much... sana for the rest of the week na!

Asin mabalos po sa tao na naka pagpaulok sakuya asin nag parealize na there is so much more to look forward too asin dai na dapat tawanan ke pansin an sarong bagay na haluyon ng daing serbi!
Fate has indeed its twisted ways of making me smile and thank you so much, for making me realize it! I can never be grateful enough. Thank you...

Monday, February 25, 2008

Life on a Greater Scheme of Things!

PILGRIM's THEME
(Bukas Palad Ministry)

Tired of weaving dreams too loose for me to wear
Tired of watching clouds repeat their dance on air
Tired of getting tired of doing what's required
Is life a mere routine in the greater scheme of things

Through with taking roads someone else designed
Through with chasing stars that soon forget to shine
Through with going through one more day - what's new
Does my life still mean a thing in the greater scheme of things

REFRAIN 1:
I think I'll follow the voice that calls within
Dance to the silent song it sings
I hope to find my place
So my life can fall in place
I know in time I'll find my place
In the greater scheme of things

Each must go his way, but how can I decide
Which path I should take, who will be my guide
I need some kind of star to lead me somewhere far
To find a higher dream in the greater scheme of things
The road before me bends, I don't know what I'll find
Will I meet a friend or ghosts I left behind
Should I even be surprised that You're with me in disguise
For it's Your hand I have seen in the greater scheme of things (REFRAIN 1)

BRIDGE:
For Yours is the voice in my deepest dreams
You are the heart, the very heart
Of the greater scheme of things (REFRAIN 1)

REFRAIN 2:
Why don't we follow the voice that calls within
Dance to the silent song it sings
One day we'll find our place
For all things fall in place
For all things have a place
In the greater scheme of things


This is one of my favorite songs. It's actually been a while of me wondering as to what life has got in store for me. For quite some, I've been astrayed... couldn't find my way back home... Been in status quo for quite sometime now. Is there really a place for me? Will I ever find it? I know that my past posts have been filled with rants, whines, wishful thoughts and million dollar unanswered questions. I know I may sound like I don't appreciate any thing anymore. Maybe I have really lost my sense of appreciation on things, on people or on everything that surrounds me. I feel so lost, the right phrase is I'm not even sure of what I want. It's like I'm living each day as to "come what may"... haay... it's so not me! So different to who I used to be and what I used to have. I don't know where this post is heading, and before it gets worst, I might as well put a halt into this! Sadly though, I still don't know where I am headed! someone please tell me where I should go!




Friday, February 22, 2008

Saturday or Termination? So Terminated let it be!

At last its Friday, I just hope that there will be no mandated OT's tomorrow or God knows what the hell I can do... I might even welcome the thoughts of termination because I only want to take a rest... rest my physical body as I know that my mind wont just stop thinking... haayyy... this is one of the times that I'm wishing I'm a moron, that I wouldn't have the sudden flow of thoughts matched with rationalization and cross analysis of psychological realms... Grrr. So no saturday shift pleeeeeaaaaaasssssssssssseeeee!!!!

Yup, I badly want to take a break, here I am again... I apologize for those people who are dropping by at this site, all you can read are my wishful sighs and sentiments... Yup, so maybe you might as well hop to another site...

I'm just too tired... I don't know if any one has had that feeling... the feeling of extreme anxiety that you just want to sit still and block everything, see no one, hear nothing, just get numb... no not just numb... I dont know maybe fade in oblivion...

If I could just go home in Bicol... yup, trudge that long walk in the fidder road as I await the sun to set or just stare to the beauty of Mayon Volcano... sad cause when I was still in Libon, I failed to appreciate these things... maybe because I was so used to having them... now I miss them badly! Well just as what Owen has said "Pestiyon Ini"... Pestiyon talaga, ay kawasa kaya, kauragan ko man ini, amu iton.... hehehehe

Well two more hours to go and and I'm off and really, no one can force me to go through a Saturday shift. If I have to commune with the ghosts in the universe I will do that so as not to go through a Saturday shift... yup even if it means tolerating a site of a mascot or being with a mascot.... I would do that, but definitely not a Saturaday shift. I already made plans for that... and my boss right now is asking me and I quote him "So you are not flexible?"... I am, but not this time, I've been so flexible that I'm afraid I am not who I used to be... so damn, terminate me if you can, just hand down the termination papers and I'm gonna sign it. Bitchy? Yes I am, I am a brat and I can be one of the most hard headed lass youll come across with when I'm in my temperamental mood... and one thing with me is I don't give a damn!

Grr... yup m just not in the mood... I just want to sleep and eat and play with Brat and Tyke. And yes... I just want to sleep for a looooooooooooooooooooonnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnggggggggggg time.

Happy Birth day Owen!

I've been thinking for quite sometime now as to how I would greet my best bud Owen... you see several days from now will be his birthday, and we have not seen each other for a while, ever since he went back home in Bicol to pursue his political destiny. Miss you Wen... well since I know that he'll be dropping by at my site I resorted to make this post for him... sorry wen pobre lang kaya ako, wara akong pang buy ng gift for you so I ended up writing this letter for you, sana lang wala pang ibang nakakaisip nito...

Owen has been a very good friend of mine for more than 20 years now... yup you are reading it right, that's more than TWO DECADES of friendship, ever since we we're kids. He is the type of friend every one would wish to have... He is my most treasured confidante, my critic, my intellectual sparring partner, yup we can discuss just anything and everything under the sun. We love to argue about politics, remember the progressive versus pragmatic choice, the socialism versus democratic form of governance.... the VFA... the possibility of privatization of our beloved Alma Mater UP Wen? Those times we argued while at mega mall's cinema lobby while we were waiting for next screening time... those corny lines of yours about "saklot" and "tiktik"? hehehehe... Those window shopping at the supermarket meat and fish section while we scour for the next dish that you'll make. ( Yup he is incredible cook... super sarap magluto sa kanya ko natutunan ang pagluluto ng pata tim) Also those times na we would just sit sa sunken garden for sentiments.... remember UP fair? I just miss those times... hehehe Si Owen din ang utangan ng walang bayaran, ang taong takbuhan ko whenever I am on the bottom most part of my life. Haay halos lahat yata ng secrets ko alam mo eh hehehehe. He would be the one to pull me back to my senses whenever my twisted mind would bring me to undeliverable paths... a shoulder to cry on, a sponge who absorbs my sentiments and a doting Ninong of my daughter.

Owen, hehehe alam niyo ba na madali tong pikon pero madali ding mawala, he's one of the smartest people I've ever come across with, a hopeless believer of meritocracy (haay wen never na mangyayari yan dito sa Pinas... hopeless na din ang bansa mo) hehehehe, at super ang dedication when it comes to his family... how's Yen yen? basta Wen sana you'd get back here in Manila na so we can catch up with the old times...

Well, I guess the post has gone way to long, when all I really wanted to say is HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my best bud and may all your wishes and dreams come true. I wish you all the bests my friend. Thank you for everything, I could never ask for more and I am so blessed to have a friend like you... I'll always be here what ever happens, despite the time distance.... you can count on that.

Hehehe pahabol lang po, I wish na you will find na the girl of your dreams and the girl who's gonna be worthy of your love... Keep the faith!

Happy Birthday Wen!

Thursday, February 21, 2008

Thoughts for a Friend

Hello, it's really been awhile since we've last seen each other, and isn't it funny that I just dreamt about you early lunch. Yup hehehe since I am on a night shift my sleeping hour has been on day time. I don't really know why I dreamt about you.... I mean I am not thinking of you, but maybe on my sub concious mind I am (Freud's theory on sub concious)... Anyway the dream was cut short as I was awaken by our nanny.

Well since out of nowhere you've trespassed on my sacred chamber (hehehe I value my sleep so much, my escape to the monstrous world where I am in) let's try to find out how you are doing by now? What have you been doing lately? I hope youre well and I wish you all the happiness that you could ever have, may the sun shine upon you and may the birds chirp their sweetest songs for you. I hope that life has not treated you that way it has treated me.

Honestly I don't know what else to say... I'm lost for words... hehehe what else is there to say? Anyway, as the words start to fade away from my thoughts, I just hope that your wishes will come true and may the whole universe conspires to grant the the deepest desires of your heart...

All the bests my long lost friend and till we meet again....

Monday, February 18, 2008

That's Life

Still in a gloomy mood. No changes, worst is, it's getting worse... yup. I feel like I just want to fade in oblivion, feel like running away, run as far as I could, perhaps to the farthest ends of earth. I just want to go home, shut myself inside the room and close my eyers, hear no sound, feel nothing, obliviate if I could. I don't know really... there is just this feeling of uneasiness with in me, cloud of doubt. It really feels awful, a certain paranoia perhaps. I just don't know. Will I ever trust again? Will I be capable of believing without any tint of doubt at the back of my mind? There are lots of things throbbing my mind. I used to be so trusting, believing that no one is going to hurt me, but I was dead wrong. Well like what I used to say, whoever said that life is fair? In a world where survival of the fittest thrives, fairness hardly ever exist. Yup, it's out of my own experience. Indeed the best teacher that I have. I was so trusting back then, always believing that there is always goodness in someone.... until I've learned my lesson the hardest way! Betrayal by people you trusted the most and being mauled over physically by a person I barely know, that led to a miscarriage, yup, no exaggeration if I had the scanner, I would have posted the entire ultra sonographic report about this, yup this happen more than a year ago, Oct 21, 2006 around 11 pm in front of Mini stop at Robinson's galleria! Yup just across EDSA shrine, isn't it ironic? Well that's life! Anyway as of the moment, I have not gotten the luxury of time to tete-a-tale the entire thing that took place that night, I'm at work, maybe if I'll have the time, one day I will write everything that has happened... definitely not now. Yup here I am at the office, doing thesame boring job which is never satisfying nor anything I fancy nor dreamt about. Stupid isn't it? That here I am, stuck with this job I NEVER even LIKE.... why? For financial reasons. Even if I would want to transfer to the career that my heart really desires I just can't... even if the OPPORTUNITY is once again knocking on my door, I just CAN"T take it due to financial constraints! Bullocks? You can say that.... well again, that's life! Sometimes you take the final examination long before you even take the lessons. Life! Haaayyyy!!!

Thursday, January 31, 2008

Que sera sera

just tired... as always, here I am wondering... where am I going? what is next to happen? Que sera sera... seems that even my brain has ran out of words to describe how I feel now... lost as ever, mad, just feeling astray, exhausted, I don't know... yup the feeling of fading into oblivion is so intense, sadly though there's just no way there.... haaayyyy!!!

Thursday, January 24, 2008

Butterfly in Me


As the drupalys gets out ofthe cocoon

A butterfly came into life

beautiful, vibrant and flying high

Gone are the traces of yesterday's cruelty



Pains, strifes and tragedies left behind

Has crawled out from tunnels of darkness

Again venturing to the world she was once in

This time, stronger and with a better view of the world




Life can never hold life at a bay forever

As always time will turn the tide

The beautiful vibrant butterfly

Was once an ugly caterpillar



So slowly i'm moving forward

Struggling to crawl out in my cocoon of darkness

My heart smiles and leaps with joy

As I await the day that i'll become a butterfly.


Flavorful Post!

Lost for words? Not really, just dont know where to start and how to write this.... let's add some flavor to this post...

In short ang makakaintindi lang kaining post na ini su tataong mag Bicol, so dai parasenciahan na lang tabi kita... hehehe... Dakulon kaya ang nagriribataw sa kaisipan ko sa mga oras na ini, mga bagay asin tawo na dai ko aram kung arin ang dapat na inuton. Maribong talaga, haay lintian na pagkabuhay ini...

Anyways Dios mabalos sa taong ini na nagpapaulok saku inspite and despite kang mariworokon na pangyayari sa sakuyang pagkabuhay. Aram ko dai mo maiintindihan asin mas marhay na ngani na dai mo intindihon ta pati ika mariribatawan lang... hehehe... pero dakulang pasasalamat talaga saimo... an mga bagay na dai mo urog naaaraman dai mo na aramun pa ta nganing maging mas simple sana, sabi ngani take it slow... so slow, asin kung saen man an papadumanan kaiyan maabot na lang an duman. Dakulon ka pang mga bagay na urog sako na dai mo pa naaaraman, dae mo na muna pag piritun, luway luway sana, maabot na sana ang tamang oras na gabos iyan maladlad na sana sa atubangan mo without exerting much effort... pag abot kang tamang panahon!
Sa ngunian gusto ko munang hanapon an sadiri ko... iyo baga nawawara ako, inda man saku kung saen saen kaya ako suminurok, iyo lugod an, dai ko na natandaan su mga dalan... hehehe, pero kidding aside, sa mga oras na ini gusto ko munang mahanap an sakuyang sadiri, maaraman kung ano talaga ang minamawot ko, haluyon ko na dapat na ginibo ini alagad pirming may second thoughts kan mga nakaaging panahon.... maski ngunian igwa pa man giraray alagad kaipuhan ko na talagang gibuhon ini, for my own sake na din. Habu kong pirmi pirmi na lang mabalik ako asin magmumukmok ta dae ko ginibo ini. Dakulon pang mga bagay ako na kaipuhon ayuson, aram ko dai ko kayang sabay sabayun alagad kaipuhan na may mapuunan na ako ngunian, maski padiit diit lang tanganing igwa akong tapuson.

Sa ngunian maugma na ako, again, salamat sa pagpapaulok mo saku asin mabalos sa pagtao mo nin time na dangogon an mga sentimiyento de mayor ko... mabalos talaga. :-)

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

My World

I live in a world
completely different from others
While some prefer beauty and madness
I chose solitude
While some craved for visuals
I took passion for my soul
I havent got beauty like that of Venus
Nor intelligence equal to that of Einstein
But I have my pen and paper
Who brings me to a different world
Or transport me to a place
Where pixie dust exists
Where fairies are real
And where my dreams come true
And though my world may not be
as colorful as that of yours
Yet, its very essence of me exist
on it
A world I'm never going to trade
with anyone!

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Flying Tyrant

Maybe this isn't just really my day.... I might have woke up at the wrong side of the bed, I'm pissed, bored, uncontented and at this point wanting to walk out badly from here... if only I could do that... well maybe I can if I'd be willing to be charged with work abandonment, unfortunately though I don't have that guts to do that...

The situation where I'm in at the moment is not just annoying for me but I despise it... Sometimes its so freaking frustrating when you take the back seat and just observe where you are heading when you are so used in taking the controls of the steering wheel... but what the heck why would I take the wheels when I dont even like where I'm riding nor where I am heading.! Grrrrr!!!! Well someone told me that I can make the situation fit for my liking instead of me fitting into the situation... if I'll do that, would it be for the best or would I be seen as manipulator once again...hahahaha... the fuinny thing though is that I haven't even tried manipulating yet, and some people say that I am already doing that. I was just wondering... what more if I indeed manipulate, what will become of me? A tyrant? I can imagine that.

Well, like what most people use to say, if I want something I can really be a sweet doll, but if something turns against my way and it ticks me off, I can be the most bitchy person whom you can encounter. Honestly, I am one of the most resilient persons you can come across... I can make myself fit into a situation though I despise it, proof is where I am right now, since I need my job for financial reasons, I'm forcing myself to stay. I can be a mirror of the person I am with. Yes I am a reaction, if you're nice to me, then I'm nice as well but if you're a brat, I'm ten times bratter than you are.

And right now, if I wont hold my temper there will be flying monitors around here. Grrrr.... What a great day for me!

Thursday, January 17, 2008

Solitary Stares

Solitary looks stare at me
butterflies sommersault in my stomach
As uneasiness clouds my senses

You smiled from across
My heart got out of its place
My brains almost got disturb

Distorted thoughts
Painted images of yours
Dances haughtily around me

Then, you've taken another look
This time smiling at me
As your eyes merrily twinkles

And so everything brightens
Flowery scents fill the air
And new sense of happiness envelops me

Saturday, January 12, 2008

Simple Complexities!!!

Gees... a sunday and here I am still stuck at the office, thanks to my imbecile Saturday shift...
Anyway, let's just say that I have a not so quiet shift today, tonight I mean. It's been a while since some one has openly asked questioned me about my love life... hehehehehe, maybe out of curiosity, that's why the matter has been brought up and honestly as well, it has been a while since I have talked to anyone about this... unfortunate of me, today is the day that I would be asked not just by one person but by a group of people... hehehehe controversial? Quite simply....

Once and for all let me clarify where I stand and what my real status is....

Okay, so I am SINGLE, yup you are reading it correct, I am definitely single to the truest meaning of it. I am not married, I do not have a boy friend and neither am I commited to anyone and yes I am a single mom and I am proud of the offsprings I have as they are the most wonderful gifts I've ever had inspite and despite of the hardships I'm going through. I may be living a complicated life now, most people would even think that the situation is absurd, but I've got no explanation about it, just a simple answer which is "the situation asks for it". It's as plain and simple as it is. Remember guys and gals, when situation seems so complicated, go back to the rule of thumb, it's just a simple matter. Go back to basic.

Curiousity kills the cat, and some times questions are better asked directly as the answer maybe handed down to you in a platter, rather than laboriously fishing for information. Why ask Jack when you can get the answer straight from the horese's mouth?
Indeed, what a great Saturday shift this was!

Friday, January 11, 2008

Just tired....


Just tired, feeling out of tune with my surroundings... and I thought this would be the last day of work, unfortunate of me, we were ask to do a mandatory over time... sigh... gone were my plans of taking a saturday off... just cuddle up with any book I could get a hold of, no long sleep and sigh.... I wish I could play with Bobet and Tyke a little longer...

Well that's life, who knows something spectacular awaits me on my saturday shift... Hopefully!

Friday, January 4, 2008

Friday Mood!!!

Hello everyone... it's Friday once again and I'm on a Friday mood. Yup, I feel so freaking lazy in coming to work, yet, here I am doing same old stuff... I feel bored, wasted and I don't know, it's just that I'm wishing I'm inside my room curled up with an Agatha Christie. Just some time for myself... It's been a while since I've done that and had a time for my self alone.
I don't know if I am that technically idiot or some wizard or witch has something to do with my inability to log in here in blogspot.... several days ago, I couldn't log in to this site.... some cookie thing is reponsible for the restriction so I opened an account with multiply. But now, here I am.... I'm back... after almost 6 months... miss you my sites... i've got two sites here actually, and I was able to access the other one yesterday.

It's just that somehow I feel at home here a lot.... and Owen, I read your post about transco... just great, so your ever imbecile government has finally finished the process of privatization. I wasn't actually surprise, since Rache has confirmed that it was already on the process, the last time we've seen each other. What would be next? PGH? UP System? Hehehehe that would be the day. Let me see how all the Iskas and Iskos will react... my beloved Alma Mater, falling in the claws of an enemy!

What the.... well this is my personal blog, made just for sentiments, those are national issues, I'd make a pass on them on my other site... I still have the rest of my shift to do that hehehe... I'm still bored though... well, I just have to get through the next 6 hours of my shift and viola, it would be weekend... wehehehehe